Where’s Your Heart?

Where is your heart?

Over the past several weeks, I’ve taken it upon myself to go through some old boxes full of letters and journals and stories that I’ve written. I’ll admit it freely–I am enamored with my own writing. I love that I write. I wish I were disciplined enough to write more often.

I was in search of my old poetry binder. I haven’t seen it in years. Truthfully, I had forgotten about it for quite some time. I’m not sure what brought it back to memory, but try as I may, I couldn’t remember where I had hidden the binder or what old poems I had tucked away inside. I recall one titled Sonata in D Major, but it went through so many revisions that any attempt at recreating it now would be futile. My only choice is to find the binder.

I wish I were more organized in my writing. But I digress.

I stumbled upon my Theology of Music journal, which blew my mind away. I haven’t penned anything there in a few years now. It struck me as I read through its pages that I have long-neglected something that resonates deeply within me. Why is that? What have I been so busy doing that I would let days fade away into weeks and months and years? There was a time not so far removed in my life when I believed that the Theology of Music was my niche. I didn’t know how I was going to pursue it, or why I was going to pursue it, or what I would do if I ever made any sense of it. I only knew that I felt compelled to ask questions and to pursue the answers in regards to music and how it related to God and our knowledge of Him. It burned within me like no desire I’ve known before or since.

So why have I neglected it? Why have I avoided the very thing that God has called me to? Where is my heart? Here is where she was when last I knew her:

one of the board musicians started a thread a couple weeks ago entitled the theology of music. the thread didn’t do much, as i recall, but it has gotten me thinking a lot about music lately. what is the theology of music? what is the role of music in the church? what does music have to do with god? what does god have to do with music? what does faith have to do with music? these aren’t questions i’m trying to answer; these are questions i’m trying to acknowledge. it would be easy to write a blog telling you what i think about these things. that’s not my goal, though. my goal is to keep asking questions…to ask more questions…to ask new questions…and to keep thinking about the questions and why they are important, if they are important at all. this is something i want to pursue in the future; not simply as thoughts and opinions, but as an area of study and a field of knowledge, and eventually, as a place of ministry in the church. i have no idea what that means. i have no idea what this will look like. i have no idea why it has suddenly become so important to me. perhaps it has been important all along, and i just never realized it. of course…i don’t think i’ve ever heard anyone use the phrase “theology of music” other than the fella here on tweb. i don’t know that it even exists, other than as an idea.

dated 11/09/05, reposted from my former blog

Where shall we find our heart’s desire? I do not know. I know only that I need to pursue this again. There’s my heart.

Pax Christi.

Semmie.