I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s all psychological. I’ll be honest—I’m just empty. I’ve run out of steam. I feel like I push myself hard for work, for family, for friends, for everyone and everything. It is rewarding in its own right, but what I’ve failed with is finding a balance in life where I can chase after the things that make me “me.”
We are all under the same plague. You have no more hours in a day than I have. But somehow, I have felt those hours slipping—wasting—away from me, precious moments that cannot be recaptured, opportunities unpursued. I have lost something crucial to myself, and I am struggling to find it again. I am praying about it more than I want—it’s difficult to admit (yes, even to my Creator) that I care so much about this, about my life. I like to fancy myself self-less and unconcerned about self’s pursuit. Yet, I remain—aching for time and space to enjoy and to become the person God created me to be. I feel so foreign to myself! It’s not supposed to be this way.
So I return to the basics, the things I need: Music. Writing. Study.
I have to make time for these things in my life. I feel good when I do. I feel rotten when I don’t. It’s as simple as that.
So today, I return to Komae. Someday, I promise you, I will finish this story. It’s just as much about my own Becoming, apparently, as it is about the characters’.