It happens seldom but it must be acknowledged. I will be speaking with someone, and I will be consumed with the feeling that she is waiting for me to affirm her value and purpose.  Maybe it is provoked by something she says; maybe it is the look in her eyes; maybe it is totally imagined on my part.

Today, as she spoke of her children and averted her eyes from my gaze, I had this incredible desire to embrace her and tell her how strong and beautiful she was, and how proud of her I was. And that’s crazy, right? Why would she care if I was proud of her? We haven’t spoken in fifteen years.

But I think it’s just part of who I am. I have always had moments like this–though, never when I would suspect them! When I read The Five Love Languages and learned that I was a “Words of Affirmation” gal, I suddenly understood myself, my needs, my frustrations, my relationships. I often forget, though, that I don’t just receive love through affirmation; I also show love through affirmation. So it makes sense that I would be filled with the desire to affirm others.

I think, though, there are two separate things here. It is one thing for me to desire to affirm another person; it is quite another thing to feel as if that person is looking to me for affirmation. As evidenced by this blog, I am still learning to differentiate between the two. And I am still learning how to be a “Words of Affirmation” gal without being a complete dork. Usually, I feel too awkward to say what I’m thinking or feeling, so I opt for writing it in a note or card.

So why am I sharing all of this? Because I want to say three things to all of you…

  1. If you are looking at me, sending out a “say something to affirm or validate my worth” vibe, and I miss it…consider saying, “hey–batman, you missed the signal.” It might help me to recognize it, in which case–I might be better prepared to respond in the future.
  2. If you receive a letter or a card from me, accept it for what it is: my love for you.
  3. Feel free to reciprocate as you feel led.

That is all, friends. Goodnight (yes…I’m just now going to bed…sometime after 4am…don’t judge me; I’m an insomniac.)

Pax Domini!

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5 Responses to Affirmation

  1. Steven Ward says:

    When words fail, I find that a hug can send the best non-verbal message of caring. Expressing that you care is nothing that should cause shame.

    At the “other blog spot”, I first thought that the virtual “hug” was a cheap imitation, and I must appologize for being critical about it. I have found it to be far more warming than nothing at all, and have learned to appreciate it far better after receiving many.

    I’ve never read “The Five Love Languages”, but I understand that I’m more of a doer in as far as finding acceptance as well as showing I care. But I’m also a “goof”, so my best intentions are often lost in the aftermath of however I was trying to be helpful. This can send out the most negative of messages- especially when I try to do other things that backfire, usually because the original intent failed.

    So, if ever I have offended you or anyone, for that matter, mu most humble appologies.

    • semmie says:

      Steve, if you ever have a chance to read the Love Languages book, I would encourage you to do so. It’s one of those books that, after having read it, I thought, “Oh yeah–that makes perfect sense!” And I don’t think I will ever regret having read it, because it really helped me to see how individuals read each other. And it has challenged me several times to try and understand someone’s “language” when they seem non-responsive to me. Sometimes it has helped; sometimes I have failed miserably. Hehe. Anyway, if you get the chance, read the book. You can take the test here, if you’re interested:

      As for virtual hugs, I totally agree with you. My heart has softened to virtual hugs over the years.

      And…you have nothing to apologize for! (((((((((((((((((Steve))))))))))))))))))))
      (There’s a virtual hug for you.)

  2. Duane says:

    If I wasn’t an insomniac sometime I wouldn’t have time to blog. Were in good company weren’t both Paul and Jesus insomniac’s too? 🙂 Matthew 14:23-25 & 2 Cor 11:27

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