Who Am I

December 31, 2009

Who am I?

This has been the question of my life. If I were to find each journal entry from my life that asked this question and bind only those pages together in a book, it would be wider than my Webster’s Dictionary. The pursuit of understanding one’s purpose, one’s desires, one’s life is not unique to me. So why do I feel like it is? It’s so easy to get trapped in the questions of self. It’s so easy to entertain the thought that no one understands our desire to figure out who we are. And it’s so easy to believe that elusive myth that says we are not quite what we should be.

You are where you are. You are what you are. Maybe it’s not what you wanted as a younger person. Maybe it’s not what you expected. Regardless, you are what you are. The choices you’ve made in your life have brought you to this very place—whether for good or for ill. You cannot undo what’s done. You can only ever move forward, step by step.

And that’s the key, I think. We can’t rush into the future and determine what we are going to be in ten years. All we can do is choose daily to be the person we want to be. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail—and don’t give up every time you screw up! If you can take each day as it comes, instead of worrying about taking your entire life all at once, then perhaps you can mold yourself into the person you know you were meant to be. Day by day. Step by step. That’s all it is. Choose you this day, the Bible says. Each day, you choose how you will live, who you will be. Some days, you won’t choose well. Don’t mourn of it. Rise the next day, and choose again.

See, the question of who we are is an impossible one. I don’t deny that it’s good to reflect upon our lives and our choices, I only warn that it’s dangerous to stay there too long. It’s like one of those Fun Houses with all the distorted mirrors. If you stay there too long, you will begin to see yourself in a distorted manner and you will ever be looking for a clearer image—and you will ever find a more distorted one. So by all means—reflect upon your life. But don’t stay there.

Figure out what kind of person you want to be and be it for one day. Then be it for a second day, and a third, and a fourth. And when you stumble, trust in grace, and try again. You are here for a purpose. Instead of trying to make sense of all (which we will never accomplish), let’s determine that we will be the best each day that we can be. Let’s break our addictions—just for today. Let’s be gracious and forgiving—just for today. Let’s be compassionate and committed—just for today. Let’s be financially responsible—just for today. If we can do it for one day, then we are well on our way to making a lifestyle of it.

May 2010 show you the depth of your character, the strength of your resolve, and the joy of being who you choose each day.

Happy New Year!

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2 Responses to Who Am I

  1. Duane says:

    Good word to start off the year. Something clicked in me in the past month about being a spiritual father. As my 50th year is a couple Thanksgivings away it’s probably about time, but maturity isn’t counted in years.

    In my late 30 and up until the present I’ve known who I am. I’m an intercessor, a male “midwife” so to speak who’s role is to assist others in the birth of something, and then I move on, because the baby isn’t mine.

    Before I understood who I was it was upsetting to long for something, cry out to God for it,try to make it happen, fail, and then watch someone else come along and do what I failed at doing. I now understand my position, stopped trying to make it happen, and rejoice when God answers with a gifted person.

    I found out who I was not by looking in the mirror, but looking to my Father, who knows me better than I know myself. 1 John 2:12-14 “I write to you, little children, because you know the father. I write to you fathers because you have known Him who is from the beginning.”

    Now I find myself changing from a young man who is strong and overcomes to a father, who is an imperfect roll model of the Father.

  2. semmie says:

    Hi Duane!

    I love your description of your gifting. How appropriate, as you say, “assist others in the birth of something, and then I move on, because the baby isn’t mine.” That is such a great depiction.

    I cannot overstate the depth of my emotions and convictions when it comes to Spiritual Fathers. As a girl who was raised without her biological father, I am particularly aware of the need for the affirmation and guidance and–most of all–the reflection of the Eternal Father within the Body of Christ!

    I love what you say, too, about looking to the Father to find out who we are, rather than to the mirror or–heaven forbid–the world around us. This is something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately, and would be interested in reading your extended thoughts about this. I haven’t had much time to peruse your blog yet, but I would love to read more about this.

    Thanks for commenting, Duane! I hope your New Year is off to a great start!

    Pax Christi.

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