How blessed am I?
The greatest friends are those who listen to you fume about all the injustice in the world and in your life, and know that precise moment when it is safe to mock you for being so silly. Sometimes when life really seems to stink, the best thing you can do is laugh at yourself for caring so much! Really, why do we care so much? What does it profit a man (or woman) to gain the world and lose his soul? We are so prone to getting stuck in a “moment” of our lives. We need to shift perspective now and again.
I remember speaking with Sue Wells about life and eternity once. She said that we often think of eternity in a straight line. If this life is a line, then we think that eternity stretches out before and after life. What we can’t seem to grasp is that eternity is all about us, above and below, to the left and to the right.
So how do we get so caught up in one moment? How do we get so bogged down by our present situations so much that we are oblivious to the closeness of eternity? Sometimes it helps to have someone laugh at you. Truly.
All day I’ve been blah-ing. It took one moment on the phone, having one of my closest friends laugh at me and exclaim what an ego I had, for me to realize how silly I was being about everything! And then she mocked me mercilessly until I was laughing so hard I was crying. What a joy to my heart! What an excellent reminder! Don’t take yourself so seriously all the time, Sar!
And then I sang. And do you know what? My guitar still loves me. He still loves my fingers. He still sings with me. What a beautiful instrument God has given me! What an incredibly simple blessing–to sing! I haven’t enjoyed singing so much in years. How am I so quick to pursue other loves, when music always brings me to that intimate moment with my Father?
This summer, God has done an incredible thing in my heart and in my mind regarding my biological father. You know, it used to be that I woke up each morning and my first thought was, “my daddy doesn’t love me.” I battled that for a long time, til finally, I just ignored my thoughts on the matter altogether. But suddenly, I am awaking each day to a new thought: “my Abba loves me!” It is a wonderful place. But I realize today that I still have hangups in this regard. Why do I not jump at the chance to spend time with Him? Why do I fear being alone with Him? Why does it take me so long to trust that He is still my provider, my strength, my closest friend? The only answer I can give honestly is that I am having to learn how to be a daughter. There’s a part of me that still expects to look up to God’s face and find that He looks exactly like Earl. But I’m learning. One day at a time. Or…one moment at a time, rather.
And in this moment, what I’ve realized and must make an effort to change…is my fear of being alone with Him; my fear of singing for Him. He is my Father, and He delights in me. He delights in my singing, even if no one else does!
So laugh and sing. Eternity surrounds you, and your Father delights in each moment with you.